Life Lessons

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive?

  • To Forgive Or Not To Forgive? That is the question.
  • YƐ Seisei Asem is Twi for Settlement
  • You Reap What You Sow
  • A Heart Condition
  • To Forgive Or Not To Forgive? The question remains.

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive? That is the question.

Unforgiveness is a beast. It will harden your heart and block you from living a life of MORE.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m still a work in progress. That’s the beauty of self-development, you acknowledge your weaknesses and work on them.

I require more emotional or as I like to say spiritual intelligence in that area. As the saints say “thank God, I’m not where I use to be.”

After self-evaluation, I realized I took (or take) many things personally. I would hold contempt in my heart towards individuals. My default action was to cut people off. As I heard someone say, “they were the cut-off queen.” Sadly, I was a part of that monarchy. I would block numbers, outright ignore people, and erase their numbers from my phone and every trace of their existence.

Is that a way to live?

I could understand if it was detrimental to my well-being. More than likely, it was because I didn’t get my way. The real reason is that I lacked the emotional/spiritual intelligence to resolve conflict or the inability to convey my feelings or set boundaries.

Once again, I had to learn from my master (i.e. teacher), Daniel. It would upset me (there goes the ego) when someone did him wrong and he would still talk to the person. He would go to the function or even honor the wrongful request like nothing ever happened.

Why is he like this?

YƐ Seisei Asem is Twi for Settlement

First and foremost, it’s a cultural thing. Ghanaians are big on community whereas my culture is all about individualism.

When a disagreement arises between any members of the Ghanaian community, a settlement takes place to resolve the issue. They actually schedule a meeting time and place to hash everything out.

We’ve been a part of a settlement as a couple. I didn’t agree with everything that was said by the individuals conducting the settlement. All in all, I see the benefit of this traditional exercise. You get to the facts of the matter and you understand the other person’s point of view.

Being the eldest son, the family complaints make their way to Daniel and he is expected to resolve the issue. He hears each party’s points of view and advises them accordingly.

Secondly, in the grand scheme of things is the incident so petty that it’s not really worth his energy (i.e. time and attention)? In other words, he has bigger fish to fry (i.e. more important concerns).

Whew, Chile, I’m so ready for this growth.

You Reap What You Sow

As mentioned in my inconsistent weekly newsletters (if you’re not subscribed, do so here), a lot of emotions came up in my second Vipassana Course. Interestingly, one of them was unforgiveness.

Surprisingly, people came up that I didn’t even think I was harboring unforgiveness. For example, the surgeon for my right foot from 2016 (really?!?!?) and an ex-manager who I thought I had forgiven.

Vipassana teaches you to observe sensations in your body. A sensation can be anything (i.e. tickling, pricking, pain, numbness, etc). The sensation I remember the most is an aching in my right leg. Some days it would be unbearable and I would have to relieve myself from sitting cross-legged.

The unforgiveness of these individuals came to me during a strong determination session. Strong determination is basically meditation without changing sitting positions.

As I was experiencing this dreadful pain in my right leg, these individuals and others appeared in the midst of my meditation.

Not advised by the Vipassana teacher or Vipassana meditation, I told these individuals:

“I release, forgive, and let you go.”

“I send you love, peace, and joy.”

After I forgave everyone, immediately, the pain left my right leg.

I was embodied by immense joy, love, and peace. The same thing that I sent to those individuals. As the adage goes “you reap what you sow.”

Likewise, if you’re harboring unforgiveness towards someone it’s coming back to you like a boomerang. More than likely from someone you desire forgiveness from the most.

Vipassana Meditation Center in Ras Al Khaimah (UAE)

A Heart Condition

Liken your heart to soil. As a gardener or farmer, you choose the seeds you want to plant. The more you nurture the seed in the soil it grows and multiplies.

At one of my prior jobs, there was a mature (in age) co-worker who was just outright mean. The fact of the matter is the person didn’t become that way overnight. Over the years, seeds of unforgiveness led to bitterness and a bad disposition. Despite what was going on in that person’s life that was out of their control, the fact remains unforgiveness and forgiveness are under their control and is a CHOICE.

I’m not there just yet but Jesus told the Father to forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.

“What do you mean they don’t know what they are doing?”

“They know what they did to me.”

“You’re trying to tell me this adult person does not know right from wrong.”

Dear, believe me, society as a whole is ignorant. Everyone has a one-dimensional point of view. Either from their own life experiences or by others who influence them, albeit easily.

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive? The Question Remains. my absence, continue to work out your salvation [that is cultivate it, bring it to full effect, actively pursue spiritual maturity]…….[using serious caution and critical self-evaluation…..

Apostle Paul (AMP)

I say all the time I wish I could benefit from Daniel exercising but I had to choose to make exercise a part of my lifestyle (a regular practice) where I reap the results on a continual basis.

The same with my personal development, I’m actively pursuing spiritual/emotional maturity by practicing Born To T.H.R.I.V.E. – 9 Foundational Practices To Greatness.

Forgiveness is no different, we must choose to forgive.

We are believing God for MANY things. I’m so accustomed to instant manifestation so we had to seriously ask ourselves if we are harboring any unforgiveness that we are not aware of, going through a list of relatives, friends, colleagues, etc., and then praying for any person we may have forgotten similar to the surgeon and ex-manager.

Afterward, if any offense comes up, immediately rectify it. The same day, we had an offense occur. I’m sure you know who was the offender. Immediately, we took care of it and had an amazing dinner.

Pakistani Cuisine in Abu Dhabi (UAE)

The question remains: To Forgive Or Not To Forgive?

To fully thrive in life, we must learn to forgive often and quickly. The sooner we get past the offense, the sooner we are liberated.

Will you plant unforgiveness? Or will you plant love, joy, and peace? Whatever you choose to plant expect a harvest from what you have sown.

Born To T.H.R.I.V.E. | It’s A Lifestyle

  1. Is F.E.A.R. holding you back from living your best life? Download 7 Practical Steps To Overcome F.E.A.R.
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Vipassana Meditation Course Experience #2 & What I Learned About Forgiveness

Read About My First Vipassana Experience

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